Why positive thinking alone doesn´t work and what I did to deserve my wife Jeanette…

Ok, this one is going to be nasty…

Raw…

…and unsensored.

From time to time, I get emails from artists that open themselves up and reveal big chunks of their lifes. They talk about their problems and stuff going on their end.

First of all, I want to say thank you for your trust in me.

Second, it´s an act of great courage – and it takes LOTS of it to write the emails I get.

For that – you guys should be very PROUD of yourselves…

The other day, I did get a very long and emotional email from an artist that was having some serious issues. She revealed her childhood and all the issues she faced then – and today.

She felt that positive thinking didn´t work for her…

In fact, she ENVIED me that it worked for me and that I was some kind of a lucky guy that didn´t have to deal with difficult times…

She wrote that she tried and failed to improve her life several times…

And that her experience was that for every positive step she took, some bad things happened and ruined the whole thing.

Her email inspired me to write todays blog post…

I have deep empathy for all the pain others feel in their lifes…

…because I´ve been there.

And now – let´s be BRUTALLY honest here…

Let me tell you some facts about my own life… And how positive thinking is part of a bigger puzzle… And why it doesn´t work – when used the wrong way.

Frankly – how it can be counterproductive…

I was born poor in Poland. When I was at an age of 7, there was a state of war in Poland, where tanks and military guys where all over the city.

That was SCARY as hell…

We had food stamps – and had to count the food we bought.

When we moved to Sweden a few years later, we were living by – but were still poor. I had a broken, used bicycle, where my friends had new ones with 27 gears. I had cheap, ugly clothes, where my class mates had new fashion clothes.

I was frozen out…

I took various jobs after dropping out of school with ZERO grades.

NONE!

I started to drink, take pills and felt like a wreck.

And this was going on for years!

Believe me, I wanted to take my life several times – and I was close to – damn close to.

I had a high speed car “accident” (I don´t belive in accidents, things happen for a reason) where my car hit a bridge reiling and was totally demolished. The only reason I´m still alive is becuase I had my seat belt on and that the bridge reiling was strong enough.

But it was bended like butter…

My car looked like a pile of squashed metal. There was nothing left of it… There was a scary free fall of 30 meters straight down – so talk about an angel that saved me that day.

I survived that day and was able to continue doing what I did…

This was my reality…

I´ve been fighting with peoeple…

I´ve been angry…

I´ve been depressed for 20 years…

Diagnosed with borderline…

My best best friend died in cancer…

My wife Jeanette have had some MAJOR health challenges.

Recently we found out that her father has cancer in his blood.

Her grandmother died in cancer and was an alcoholic..

Her grandfather drowned himself…

Her first love died in an car crash…

I could easily write a long list of friends and relatives that have had strokes and other issues that RUINED their lifes for good…

In fact we have lost serveral beloved family members that was so close to us that life didn`t feel worthy living without them…

And on top of all the live challanges, we also had our share of financial struggles…

We´ve had cars that we used to duct tape to hold them together… Where the engine stopped running, at the most inconvenient places…
Or that simply wouldn´t start at all…

I´ve eaten noodles for weeks…

I´ve taken overdoses with pills to end my desctructive life.

And I envied people that in my point of view had it all… That had great relationships, that had nice cars, that had money, that seemed PERFECT…

So – in a single word – I truly understand and know all about…

…PAIN.

I´m not saying this to compare my life with others, nor do I blame myself or others for starting my life in the wrong way.

With those circumstances, experiences and lifeskills I had at that time, it couldn´t turn out any other way.

So… I´ve been to hell…

And I found a way out of it.

And here´s what I did…

Pay close attention – because this is UNIVERSAL.
This works for everybody that´s willing to do what it takes…

It all begins with a DESIRE to get out of the freaking shit.

When I was so fed up staying where I was – I had to do something radical.

When I hit the bottom, I have had enough.

When I met Jeanette, she understood my pain and really felt empathy of how I felt and the reasons behind it.

She accepted me the way I was…

But…

She NEVER accepted this to be a permanent state. Jeanette is a fun mix of an oversensetive fighter and she litterary KICKED me in the right direction.

And that was the sparkle I needed, to ignite my DESIRE to CRUSH my destructive life.

Slowly, I started to learn more about my self and others.
And that´s not an easy thing to do having borderline…

I read books about self development. The first one I ever read, was Dr. Phils Life Strategies that Jeanette bought me. I highly recommend it.

See, the mind that created my former life, couldn´t fix it.

And here´s why…

I was infected with disbeliefes, lack of proper thinking and I was holding on to the fact that I was a bad person not worthy anything.
This is what I learned as a kid.

Kids ALWAYS blame themselves for everything that happens to them.

Me included.

And guess what, as an adult – as I knew I was a bad person – bad stuff had to happen to me to justify it.

I justified what I beleived in, by attracting bad circumstances.

This is a universal law – and it´s called the Law of Attraction.

It´s as real as gravity. Whether you belive in it or not – it works. All the time.

You can choose to ignore it – but it still works… And it will for every second for the remains of your life.

Law of Attraction says that what you focus on – will grow. What you feel – you attract.

In therapy, I´ve learned that my thoughts, feelings and actions were all connected. (Congitive Behaviour Therapy)

Each thought, whether contious or subcountious (as a result of your background) – will create a feeling.

ALL humans react to the way they feel.

ALWAYS.

As I grew, I started to see things in a wider perspectve… And I started slowly to feel better more often…

Day by day – week by week.

After a few years, I quit taking pills.

AND… After a YEAR of withdrawal symptoms, I was free of them.

Now, here´s the important part of the story.

Positive thinking alone doesn´t work…

It just doesn´t.

I mean common – just thinking that things will become better is pure nonsense.

And those who tried – KNOW IT. 😉

And here´s when it DOES work…

When you take ACTION.

Somewhere, deep inside of me – with Jeanettes strong support – I started to think that there´s SOMETHING more…

With each piece of the puzzle, that became more obvious to me.

So, I developed a mind set – and started to BELIEVE that I could accomplish more in my life.

However, at that time I didn´t know what that would be.

But that didn´t matter at that time… My desire for a better life, was already on fire.

But hold your horses…

My ACTION – was to gain more knowledge from successful people – some of them with the same kind of experiance that I had… but that already had made it…

After the pills were gone, I had one more thing to get rid of…

My job…

At that time, I was in so much pain, that I just wanted to stop it.

I couldn´t go to my job no more…

And that was a painful fact to realize. Because I loved that job.

But in order to move on, I had to let go of what was holding me back.

I needed to change the environment, that at that time – supported my desctructive lifestyle.

Finally, I hit a turning point.

With GREAT support from my life coach Mike Lewis (Thank you Mike, you´re the best!) – I went to the office of my boss and said to him that I wanted to quit.

And then, for the first time in my life – I was no longer employed…

The day I left my job for good, I didn´t feel any fear.

I felt free.

When people were fired all around me and in difficult financial times – I dediced to take control of my own life and go my own way…

I continued to GROW and surrounded my self with successful people.

And I still do.

They helped me to broaden my perspective…

There is NO simple road to success. All change is horribly painful from time to time.

But´s it´s worth it!

And it all starts with…

1. A burning DESIRE to change your life and take control – this happens when you´re dead tired of your situation and truly WANT a change.

This is a tricky one, becuase as soon as you say YES to ANY part of your current life… Then you´ll stay there. As long as there´s a pay off – people will always stay.

You can hear people MOAN about their jobs. But the moment they justify it by saying: -“But it pays the bills”… Done – you´re staying.

Compare that to:

-“I´m fed up – I´m OUT OF HERE”…

See the difference?

Same situation.

Different mindset.

Even if that someone can´t quit their job right away, an open mindset enables them to find a solution.

If they say that it pays the bills, then it will continue to pay their bills. (And not so much more)

You know the saying:
For many people, J.O.B. often means Just Over Broke.

2. Believe that you CAN and even more importantly that you are WORTHY that change.

This is NOT the same thing as just wanting things. ALL people WANT stuff. Instead, this means believing that you actually can get there.

How this looks like in real life?

-“I would like to have that car… But it´s too expensive”…

Done, you´re NOT getting that car.

Compare that to:

-“That´s the car I want to have, and I will get it next year…”

Same situation.

Different mindset.

If you say that it´s too expensive, then it always will…

If you say that you will get it next year, then your mind is open for searching and finding solutions…

3. Gain more knowledge and GROW as a person – therapy, books, CD´s, videos, seminars, coaches – whatever it takes to learn EVERYTHING about successful people.

I had a big issue with this. I hated when I felt that what I knew was not enough.

I actually resented successful people, because they had what I wanted to have.

That was my BIG ego…

As I let go of it, and embraced new knowledge – I started to grow as a person. And the more I know – the more there is to learn – it´s an neverending ongoing process…

Sometimes the road gets bumpy, but overall – it´s a fascinating journey…

Success – on ANY level in your life – is a DIRECT result of your personal growth.

4. Positive thinking with DAILY action

Why positive? Positive thinking creates positive feelings – which in turn creates positive action steps.

Notice, I said DAILY action. That´s EACH day. Not once a month and then: -“Oh crap, it didn´t work”…

For how long?

As LONG as it takes!

As freaking long as it takes!

UNTIL!

How about set backs?

Oh dear, don´t get me started on this one…

Set backs?

HELL yeah!

They WILL get in your way, trying to DRAAAAAG you back to where you were.

And EACH DAY I take action.

I still, as of today, experience negative thinking from time to time…

But I don´t fight it the way I used to…

Instead, I handle it with ACTION – not only REACTION…

It´s a choice I´ve made a long time ago – that has grown into my reality by DAILY action.

“It´s not how many times we fall… It´s how many times we stand up…”

Doing your best is sometimes NOT enough…

I did what I HAD to… That means pushing outside of what I thought was possible…

Recently, I saw an episode of the great Star Wars Animated series… One of the episodes started with a saying that I can´t forget…

“Belief is not a choice. It´s a conviction.”

Oh man, that´s so powerful!

So I don´t believe in sitting and thinking that good stuff will happen.
That´s the biggest lie you´ll ever hear.

In fact, that´s a really dangerous thing to do… Positive tinking alone is more like living in a cocoon – and not really seeing what needs to be done.

Dr Phil has a great saying: “As you pray, MOVE your feet…” :)

I believe in DOING things UNTIL they are the way I want them.
Or as close as possible.

I mean, I can´t fly and I can´t walk on the surface of Jupiter.

And I don´t look like Brad Pit, and even if I perform surgery – I won´t be even close. 😉

But that´s not the point.

The point is, I have a CONVICTION that I WILL make it.

And I will do ANYTHING in my power to get there.

There is no plan B.

NEVER has been.

Earlier, when I was busy reacting to all the crap around me, I felt despair – and as a result – more crap came my way…
And I couldn´t possibly know what to do without the proper knowledge…

So again…

Desire, Belief, Knowledge and Action…

Law of attraction is always working…

What I focus on – will grow…

So I focus on improving my life… But at the same time, always being greatful of what I already have.

But how about fair?

No, life ain´t fair.

Never has been.

NEVER will be.

It´s ONLY what we make out of it. The best we can.

Easy?

No…

Doable?

DEFINITELLY!

Ok, there´s A LOT more to say about this amazing subject…
Maybe I´ll come back with more in one way or another later on…

But for now, I wish you all the best!

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29 Responses to “Why positive thinking alone doesn´t work and what I did to deserve my wife Jeanette…”

  1. jakiblue May 30, 2010 at 1:45 pm #

    Walle, thank you. This couldn’t have come at a better time for me.

  2. Szark May 30, 2010 at 2:05 pm #

    Echo’s of my own past and present, well said Walle. Action is the Key without it we would get no where fast. 😀

  3. Freya-Luna May 30, 2010 at 2:06 pm #

    Thanks a lot for your words, i will forward them to some friends.
    My life just turned into something real wonderful and all because of LoA.
    Only one thing i have to discount on what you’ve said. Life is fair, we only have to believe in it and it will be fair for us.
    If we believe that it’s not fair, so what? Universe will answer: “Your wish is my command!”
    Hilsen fra Norge
    Freya

  4. witchdidi May 30, 2010 at 2:11 pm #

    Thank you.

  5. fotostar73 May 30, 2010 at 2:40 pm #

    I liked very much your article, and i especially like the fact you’re not doing a business with it. Too much people is trying to earn something from the Law of Attraction, but I think the right words, are the ones that comes for free: this means (like in your case) that you’re speaking by experience and you’re saying true things.

  6. Rowan Chisholm May 30, 2010 at 2:57 pm #

    And then you became one of the best teachers of 3D artwork out there! Congrats! (And thank you for being there–you’ve taught several lessons I needed to learn.)

    Yes, learning to deal with life experiences IS an important art lesson…we can visualize ourselves as good artists all we want, but until we unpack the easel and try out the paints (or whatever ones personal medium is), nothing is going to happen!

    Here’s an example. I decided that I was going to publish my novel, come hell or high water. But even though I’d written it, things kept happening, and it just sat in a drawer. Then I found and read “Requiem”, which is web novel. And which had a link to DAZ3D. I went, I looked, I said, “I like this. I can DO this. I can do my novel as artwork and post it on my website. And I CAN PUBLISH IT MYSELF!” (My website was all my family’s history & genealogy pages until then.) Three years of learning to do 3D artwork, learning the software, acquiring models, and rewriting the script page by page until it was *right*, and as of now the first six chapters (of 100?)are up on my website. I’m about to start working on fine tuning chapter seven.
    I do not try for perfect artwork, but I do try to do the best I know how to do right now. I spend more time working on the script which has to be RIGHT before I make the page so that the story will work.
    At this point I am publishing 1 page a week. I’ve decided that I’m going to upgrade that to 2 pages a week and am working towards it.

    Yes, taking ACTION along with focusing on what you want, works!

    BTW –If anyone is interested, my SF/Fantasy story “The Nexus Lords” starts at:
    http://www.mausershooters.org/rowan/NL-novel/001/NL-1-001.html
    Be careful to copy the WHOLE address, I share a domain with another website for the moment.

  7. Mike Lewis May 30, 2010 at 4:50 pm #

    Walle Belwon!

    What an inspiration you are my friend.

    I have learned more about life and living from you than you can imagine. I have been able to take what I have learned from you to help other people who don’t have the drive, determination, and willingness to take action that you have.

    Your example of overcoming adversity has been a joy to behold.

    I am so grateful I know you.

    Keep smiling Amigo!

    Mike

  8. JoeMess May 30, 2010 at 4:52 pm #

    Great article! I am another person saying this couldn’t have come at a better time. I have been planning my own business and started to tool up for it, but dragging and filled with self doubt when looking at the work load ahead. Your article has lit a fire under my behind. I am starting to smell bacon, so I am going to get moving.

    Thank you for sharing. It will produce positive results.

  9. Wendy May 30, 2010 at 6:54 pm #

    So great to hear all this at this time in my life , saw the documentry ” The secret ” a while back which basicly says the same you just did , only in a more unbelievable way then you just said it , thanks a lot my friend :))))))))))))

  10. louly May 30, 2010 at 6:55 pm #

    It confirms what’s been going on in my life lately. I had this urge to declutter the house. It sounded a bit superficial, as I HAD to get rid of old stuff, even stuff in my cupboards, and replace it with new. Why I’ve been busy lately lol I told myself it must mean something, clean from the inside out, even if it’s only stuff, out with the old, in with the new. When you talk about daily action, that’s kind of how I reacted too. When I felt I was going down, I got up and started cleaning all the papers that were on my kitchen table, I cleaned the cupboards and packed the old stuff to give away and went shopping for new one. And even if I’m a bit afraid (financially) to retire next year, I decided to get the new pieces of furniture I’ve been wanting for a while. This one is harder, I take baby steps lol It’s working though, my mood is changing :) Something else you said, that also applies to me, “I still, as of today, experience negative thinking from time to time… But I don´t fight it the way I used to…” Same here, I spent a lot of time recently watching TV and playing a silly card game on Internet. I was too tired to create and didn’t feel like answering emails, commenting in galleries or participating in forums. I told myself it would pass and I gave myself compassion, time and permission to go through it. I even changed my hair colour this weekend. I hate it though lol but I needed to give it some punch somehow. Anyway, I’m slowly working back to my creativity :)

  11. TheOwl May 30, 2010 at 7:34 pm #

    VERY STRANGE.

    Last night, I decided that I will take ACTION.

    NOW!

    Then the next day I get this email from you linking me to your blog. LOL! THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AT ITS WORKS! IT TELLS ME I AM AT THE RIGHT TRACK!

    This is wonderful. Its like magic.

    For many months or maybe even years, I was collecting and collecting and collecting (x100) knowledge and motivation strategies to propel myself to do the things my heart desired. Then I suddenly realized, all I was missing is to take ACTION. I had this subconscious belief that I have to have the ultimate fool proof strategy first before taking action but it only brought me SUFFERING and ALOT OF TIME WASTED TIME.

    From now on, I promise to take action everyday. That is the ultimate cure for procrastination. Anyway since I have collected and experimented with organization strategies, I think I can already deal with the feelings of feeling OVERWHELMED and focus on TAKING ACTION.

    Desire, Belief, Knowledge and Action…

    We all just need to take ACTION.

    Thanks Mr. Belwon.

  12. Derry Sexton May 30, 2010 at 8:08 pm #

    As a poor kid from Mississippi, I can totally relate to this and thank you for this great blog. I know several people who could benefit from something like this.

  13. Kim Raven May 30, 2010 at 8:57 pm #

    Back in April I unexpectedly came upon your blog “Overlooked: The Best Teachers in the World” where you talked about meeting your wife Jeanette and the dogs. (I was a Dreamlight member at the time, but didn’t know you had a blog.) It was your outlook on life that influenced me to sign up for the Lifetime membership…I was impressed by your zest for life and it “felt right”. I like the idea that a person’s power is shown – NOT by “things around him are perfect and everything is going right” – but by the fact that he is “making things around him go right.” And I am an advocate of dismantling and removing the false data that “artists need to suffer”. Thank you for your lovely messages!

    Posted on | April 27, 2

  14. Thomas Golaszewski May 30, 2010 at 9:32 pm #

    Thank You Waldemar!

  15. school grants May 30, 2010 at 10:50 pm #

    Valuable info. Lucky me I found your site by accident, I bookmarked it.

  16. Chad May 31, 2010 at 4:06 am #

    We reap what we sow.

    Sowing is an action, its been true since the world began! :)

    I just wish more people were out spreading that truth. We reap what we sow is no new thinking, the law of universal attraction is just one aspect and a new name to it.

    But its still true.

    God bless you all!

  17. Lottie May 31, 2010 at 8:00 am #

    Strong words – from the heart. Thank ou for sharing.
    /L

  18. steve May 31, 2010 at 11:24 am #

    I really love this article you have written. It sounds so honest and so true! Often I tell myself just to keep on making an effort, even though I think I might be failing to get enough done. My favourite quote is: “Making efforts to succeed, even though I am failing”! What needs to be done NOW… is the important thing to consider, drop by drop the pitcher is filled :)

  19. Waldemar Belwon May 31, 2010 at 11:46 am #

    Wow, folks – THANK YOU so much for your awesome response to this post! True Freya, life is fair when we make it fair. Thanks for pointing that out.

    What I really meant, was that we are not born is the same seat.

    Rowan – way to go! It´s just incredible what you do – keep at it! :)

  20. Waldemar Belwon May 31, 2010 at 12:37 pm #

    Louise, It´s a real pleasure seeing you moving forward the way you do. I know what you have been going through the last years..!

    JoeMess – OMG, bacon already – man, you´re on fire! :)

    Mike Lewis – THE lifecoach – I can´t find words for what you have done for me, and still do.

  21. Juan May 31, 2010 at 6:27 pm #

    Indeed, if we expect someone appears knocking at our door to say: “hey, I come to solucionarte your life because I do not think is fair …” very bad is going to go in life. If you want something fight for it, and supprt on your loved ones. at least I think so

  22. TheOwl June 1, 2010 at 5:57 pm #

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc

    A surprising truth about what motivates us. Scientific resources also were shown.

  23. TheOwl June 1, 2010 at 6:20 pm #

    A dark side of positive thinking.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5um8QWWRvo

  24. Rose Marie Ash June 6, 2010 at 3:01 am #

    Walle…

    I’m sorry. I had to stop and cry–over and over again–as I read this. I’m 61 years old and, most of the time, it felt like I was looking in a kind of dimensional mirror. Not 100% or anything. I mean, obviously there are differences. Locational, financial, gender. Yeah. Those. Still… The differences were there.

    Beside being older and female, I never tried to end it all. I had three sons depending on me and, if I left, who would care for them? So I stuck it out. Through high blood pressure, diabetes, entirely too much weight for my body to handle. Some health insurances didn’t (and still don’t) cover mental health. So I ate.

    Finally, when all was said and done, my sons grown and finding myself BY myself, things changed for me. Slowly. I didn’t like the me I’d become, so I worked on changing that woman into someone I could like.

    That was five years ago.

    Then I discovered DAZ|Studio. And it was free! Imagine that! When one is on a fixed income that lies just below the poverty line in the US, free is damned welcome. Oh sure it cost for the figures and all, but it gave me a creative outlet I didn’t have before. And I threw myself willingly into it’s gaping maw.

    Today, I scream and rant over lighting and shadows. I moan and groan over poses and clothing that refuses to look the way I want it to.

    The most important thing is, I look FORWARD to each new day. I look FORWARD to each new challenge. And while I’m not lucky enough to have been found by my very own Jeannette equivalent, I do have two cats who are very loving and giving.

    Now if I can just get these eyes to look right…

  25. Wordpress Themes June 8, 2010 at 7:18 pm #

    Amiable fill someone in on and this fill someone in on helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you on your information.

  26. Waldemar Belwon June 8, 2010 at 10:20 pm #

    Rose Marie, thank you for sharing your story… I´m very glad that you´re moving forward… But hey, cats are awesome!

  27. ;-Dave June 12, 2010 at 9:40 pm #

    Waldemar, you’ve shared some important ideas here. You’re a very brave man to share this as you have. Congratulations and great thanks to you from an old guy who’s been there too!

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